Why You Hate Photos of Yourself (And Why It’s Actually Not Your Fault)

Women portraits from 40 over 40 portrait photoshoot With Vilija Skubute photography.

I hear it all the time. I hear it from my closest friends, from clients, and even from my own mum.

The moment a camera comes out, the hands go up: “No, no… don’t take a photo of me. I hate being in pictures.”

But let’s think about that, because when we say we hate being in pictures, what we usually mean is: “I don’t like how I look when someone snaps a quick, rushed photo of me.”

And honestly? That is completely normal.

If you constantly find yourself cringing at photos of yourself, you are not alone. But the reason you hate those pictures has nothing to do with how you actually look, and everything to do with the nature of the "quick snapshot." Let's break down exactly why women are so hard on themselves when it comes to photos.

The Mirror Disconnect

Have you ever looked in the mirror before leaving the house, felt pretty good about your outfit and hair, but then saw a photo of yourself two hours later and thought, “Wait, is that really me? Is that what I look like?!”

Every day, you look at a reversed reflection of yourself in the mirror. Because faces aren't perfectly symmetrical, when you see a photograph (which shows you the right way around), your brain immediately registers it as "off" or slightly alien. You are literally seeing a version of yourself you aren't used to seeing.

Women portrait from 40 over 40 portrait photoshoot with Vilija Skubute Photography.

The "Candid Snap" Trap

Think about how most everyday photos are taken. Someone whips out a smartphone, yells "smile!", and snaps a picture in two seconds flat.

In those rushed moments, we look awkward. We're caught mid-sentence, mid-blink, or slouching. The angles are weird, the phone lens distorts our features, and absolutely no one is thinking about the lighting, the background, or how the outfit sits. Those quick snaps are meant to capture a fleeting memory—a funny moment at a restaurant or a cool vacation spot—they are not meant to be flattering portraits of you.

The Downward Confidence Spiral of Why You Hate Photos of Yourself

Here is where the real damage happens. When you look at these bad snapshots taken by friends, family or even yourself again and again, it starts to mess with your head. You begin to internalize those bad angles. You start believing that the awkward, badly-lit version of you is the realyou.

Sure, maybe once in a blue moon, the stars align and you get a gorgeous photo where you look great. But because you have no idea how it happened (was it the sunset? the angle? a lucky breeze?), you can't recreate it. Slowly, the frustration builds. You start to hate seeing yourself in pictures, and eventually, you just start dodging the camera entirely. You volunteer to be the one taking the photos just so you don't have to be in them.

You start erasing yourself from your own life's memories.

Everyone starts to see your keen to be behind the camera and question why you hate photos of yourself?

Women portraits fro 40 over 40 portrait photoshoot with Vilija Skubute Photography.

It’s Not You. It’s the Photography.

Here is the secret: taking a beautiful portrait is not about being "photogenic." It’s about skill, environment, and intention. A professional studio session is a completely different universe than a quick phone snap.

When you walk into a space specifically designed to create beautiful, timeless images of you, everything shifts. You aren't caught off guard. The lighting is highly intentional, designed to sculpt your face and make your skin glow. The posing is gently guided—meaning you will never have to wonder what to do with your hands or feel stiff and awkward. Every single detail is shaped to flatter and celebrate you.

That is when the magic happens.

That is when you finally get to see yourself the way you deserve to be seen—the way your loved ones see you every day. And that is exactly how we create portraits you are fiercely proud of. Portraits where you aren't hiding, but shining as the most beautiful, confident, and radiant version of you.

So please, stop being so hard on yourself about those terrible phone snaps. Step in front of a real lens, let yourself be guided, and let's capture just how gorgeous you actually are.

 This story is about Neringa, who was 40 years old at that time when she participates in 40 over 40 photoshoot. She has never done a professional photoshoot before, and it was her first time. When we talked about the photoshoot and why she decided to do this photoshoot, she said: 'I want to feel beautiful'.

Portrait from 40 over 40 portrait session with Vilija Skubute Photography.

After earning a Master’s degree in Management and Business Administration in her home country of Lithuania, Neringa began her professional career. However, her first role did not align with her aspirations, leaving her feeling unfulfilled. Determined to find greater opportunities, she made the bold decision to relocate to the UK in search of a more rewarding path.

Her early days in London were far from easy.“I had no local experience, and because of that, nobody wanted to hire me,” she recalls. “But after some time, I secured an unpaid internship. I worked for free for a couple of months, and eventually, the company hired me. That’s how I gained local experience — which later opened doors to other job opportunities.”

40 over 40 photoshoot process of behind the scenes and Hair & Makeup.

What advice would you give your 20-year-old self?

“I’d tell her to be brave and courageous. To stop worrying about what others think, and just go for what she wants — to take initiative and trust herself.”

She pauses thoughtfully before continuing.“I would remind her that self-doubt is normal, but it shouldn’t be a reason to hold back. So many times, I let fear of failure or fear of judgment stop me from pursuing something I really wanted. I’d tell her that mistakes are part of the journey, and they don't define you — they help you grow.

I would encourage her to believe in her worth, even when others don’t recognize it yet. To speak up more, to take chances even when the outcome is uncertain, and to stop waiting for the ‘perfect time,’ because that time may never come. The sooner she learns to back herself, the sooner she’ll start building the life she truly wants.”

Portraits from 40 over 40 portrait photoshoot experience.

When did you start to embrace courage and take initiative?

"That turning point came when I decided to move to the UK. It was one of the most difficult and courageous decisions I’ve ever made. I was leaving behind everything familiar — my home, my language, my support network — to start over in a country where I had no job lined up, no local experience, and barely knew anyone.

It wasn’t just a physical move — it was an emotional shift. I had to let go of the comfort of certainty and choose the unknown. I remember landing in London and realizing how truly alone I was. It was overwhelming, but it also forced me to act. I couldn’t wait for opportunities to come to me — I had to go out and find them.

That’s when I learned what it really means to take initiative. I emailed companies, applied for internships, and even offered to work for free just to gain experience. It was humbling — but it taught me that courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s moving forward despite it.

Since then, every step I’ve taken — from navigating my career to adapting to a new culture — has been built on that initial act of bravery. That move set the foundation for how I approach challenges now: with determination, openness, and a willingness to create my own path.”